The S.A.Y.O. project

4:20am: I'm just so pissed to have let it get that deep under my skin. You're so empty and alone it makes me sick. Would you just please just wake the fuck up? Please? Let the scars pile up, until you're so unrecognizable that I forget your name.

4:09am: Retreating to the Last Empty Room Left
- The things I shouted right before I went under - 
                               As I decide to pull the plug on the bathtub or not;

genesis

000
I play chess on a board, and poker with chips
When fate bet the world,
I raised with you.
Now I'm out of chips
And I can't remember if I shuffled the jacks or the jokers out of this deck.

001
You can recite all the song lyrics in the world
Until it dawns on you that this isn't hallmark
And there is no perfect card for what anyone should have said
Be careful who you trust your words to, they're all you have left.

002
I am not a momentary distraction,
I am more than a puzzle peice in a box
I am not a momentary distraction,
I just wanted to be the puzzle peice that fit.

003
It's all the cards and the stars.

004
It's like asking if you'd pass up a rubix cube,
And it was on fire.
And you knew it was gonna be a cold fuckin' winter.

005
That dead end street is where I stop,
I've plunged down that hole times before
I will not follow you down that road,
I know exactly how it's going to unfold.
There's nothing I can do to stop you now,
Except wait by the streetlight
If you ever find your way back out.
Even if you found him down there,
I promise you won't recognize him.
And if you come back out,
You probably won't recognize me either.

006
When you're on the drug,
You're really, really, on the drug.

007
Fill my lungs back up with cynicism and cast me back to the sea of apathy,
I saw an island just across the bay and swam toward
And cut my feet on your reef the whole way, trailing red.  
Now the sharks are coming.

You'd better throw me a fucking spear gun or I'm dead.

008
Secrets and lies, nothing in between
I hope we're smart enough to put the pictures together.

009
Standing on a snowy mountain top,
Watch the plane go down, fire and all,
There's nothing you can do to stop it now,

There's a special kind of silence while you wait to hear the screams of survivors.
And a special kind of speed you run if you hear it.

010
I swore I'd never wear a wristwatch again.
Time would fly by like mile markers on the freeway,
Now I'm stuck counting the seconds at this red light.
Tick, tock, tick, tock.

011
None of us can save anyone
We can only give someone a reason to save themselves.

exodus solidus

conflicted completely
there's still no answer to question 50
I'm still holding on to that pencil

I'll pull the plug on this tub if you pull yours first,
And tell the story of how you really lost your wings,
[I hoped (we) could have written the part where you got them back,
But is your halo is still hanging from his bedpost?]

I'd rather drown in the truth than sufficate in a lie.
All I need to know is [why]?
(I'd have given you every reason to go get it back)


These words I gasp at air to spill to you,
These words alone are not enough,
These words I shout as my head goes back under.

I'll be back.

1:03am: When you read this, I hope you'll understand how much of a hypocrite you really are.

( Exodus Denied )

10:33am: comparisons are sharper than blades, and the cut is far deeper.

5:15pm: Legend of Dragoon
Alundra II
Lufia I/II
Ultima Underworld I / II

4:22am: when all you hope for still has faults
your trust you felt was met with a lie,
forgiveness comes in time with compassion
to err is human, to forgive divine

4:01am: Every time I patch a leak, another pipe blows
I'm starting to think the problem's a little bit bigger
This ship is fucking sinking and there's no getting off
No more life jackets left and the boats are all torn up.

Capsized vessles, captain goes with the boat,
Time's the asshole that doesn't wait up.
I thought I figured out a way to slow it down
but no bottle on earth holds the key
even if it floats

so stop throwing it all overboard,
she'll still go down anyway
at least we'll be at the bottom of the barrel first
water's too cold to handle without a little help.

I need to stop thinking anyone could fix this
I don't even know where to throw a wrench anymore
this wasted mess is on fire I tell you
let's just let the fucker sink & burn

just promise you'll watch it from a safe distance.
wouldn't want you to get burned too.
The band better not stop playing until it falls off the deck
I'll be with the cook in the galley, we're already out of food.
Crack the kegs

This isn't even the end of the beginning.

4:08pm: Getting style from a favorite band, is that where most of this fashion trending from the last few years has been coming from?

3:43am: Alchemist's fire burned my heart to ashes
I used to be the good guy
Now all I see is the world slipping away down the glass tube
This is what was supposed to happen.
This was never supposed to happen.
Oh God what have I done.

Seven years I waited, what's a few minutes more
I stare at the moon lit canopy
The walls broke down with enthropy
Years fly by numb from pain,
But the minutes burn me to the core

Articulation proves fruitless
When the other line goes dead
I should still be due what I deserve
Or are you simply gold turned back to lead.

1:15pm: is it primal instinct we fight, or the truth we don't want to hear

3:32am: So I was in my basement,
smoking a cigarette and drinking black tea, on a saturday night. Thinking about last saturday night, when I was in my basement, smoking cigarettes and drinking black tea.

I keep watching these movies about these peoples' lives, about these people who are riddled with some sort of detriment or short coming, only to have it reversed by some new found feat of stunning brilliance or physical aptitude beyond imagination. The reality of the situation is, yeah, you find the one or two people every decade that come along and make some sort of major success from nothing, but most of that belongs to the trust fund babies and legacy Harvard kids.

I'm a middle class, middle of the road kid with a middle of the fence outlook and a middle ground life. Those types of people go on to live middle grade lives and die middle rate citizens. Yeah they might have a few friends, invite the neighbors over to grill on sundays, livin' in some 3 bedroom house with a couple of kids and a white picket fence in between, but I give it a few years after they hit six feet under and everyone outside of those people they grilled with and their kids that have any idea who they were or what they were for.

The few decent shots I've had, I didn't have the clairvoyance to see any meaning at the time and managed to piss all of those away too, leaving me with what? A box of malboros and a lukewarm cup of milk-water, and a saturday night after work to regret it?

You want to know why I keep wondering what this is all adding up to? Because I keep seeing all the people who's lives didn't add up to shit.

3:02am:

Why do I feel like I'm on some serious downers, when I'm definitly not.

3:22am: I've totally lost her forever, she left no trace.

WHY CAN"T I JUST FUCKING LET SHIT GO

1:24am: I want my fashion style to seriously re-visit 1700s Europe, focusing on France. Folded flowering white shirts, long sleeved button downs with frilled sleeves, slate gray vest and a 4 button suit jacket. Black slacks and shoes shined so bright you go blind when you see me walk by.

9:15pm:

"Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta (born March 28, 1986), best known by her stage name Lady Gaga, is an American singer-songwriter and musician. The latter part of the name is variably spelled either GaGa or Gaga, both on her websites and by her record label. She has been influenced by glam rockers such as David Bowie and Queen as well as '80s pop singers such as Madonna and Michael Jackson."

And you told me my music wasn't somehow interconnected.

4:49am: I just can't take this shit anymore.

6:30am:

So much for gas stations every 50 miles and a 6 hour hike down I75.

All I'm saying is LOL U.P.

3:04am:

In three hours, I leave for the Army Recruiting Station in Esconaba.

This is what I want to do. Let's hope my medical history doesn't keep me out a second time.

4:13am: I. Love. NCIS.

4:00pm: Yeah you know what, whatever it is you're doing right now, stop.

Go get an HDTV box, and watch Jerry Orbach in motherfucking 1080i.

I can't freakin' believe Ice T actually looks like 10 years older when you can see the SWEAT BEADS ON HIS FACE.

6:01am: Tweets for Today

• 18:23 i can still taste the alchol and nicotine...but WHERE did this gash on my forehead come from? #

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6:01am: Tweets for Today

• 00:43 im gettin my green beer at ATs and callin it a night :D #
• 00:52 i've learned to just not deal with stupid people anymore. "you dont know who led zepplin is?" *walks away* #

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2:51am: Wow.

Man just wow.

I just got done playin' a game of pool at a back-roads country bar with the owner's friend, man what a fucking game. What a fucking game :D

I'm so goddamn lol at that shit. Green beer and all. :)

2:11am: Watched some NIN and APC music videos @ Hartman's w/ Hester, fun stuff, really diggin' the industrial style.

Mapping out finances to see if moving in with Scott this summer is going to be do-able. I think by June I should have a clear picture as to what's up, and I think I'll be fine so far, but who knows.

Short term to-do list:

Brakes and struts for the Ion
Phone bill
Car bill
Set the books straight

6:01am: Tweets for Today

• 01:01 LOLZ #

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